I always thought that creating a user guide to working with me was a creative and novel way of fostering better teamwork. I first read about it in the Management Manifesto by PatientPing CEO Jay Desai. I then read A User Guide to Working With You by Julie Zhuo, one of my design superheroes. The transparency and the authenticity of these declarations made a deep and lasting impression on me. It's one of the reasons why I decided to join PatientPing and consider a design leadership path.
Though I loved the idea of a user guide and the impact of it was palpable to me. I never created one because I wasn't a manager and I felt that I could do the trust-building in person. However, with remote work as our new reality since COVID-19, it has become more of a necessity, especially at a high-growth company like PatientPing where I'm now a Senior Product Designer and Manager. We need teams that trust each other to solve abstract problems and deliver quality value as quickly as possible, even with teams changing frequently and new people joining every month. With the added challenge of being reserved by nature and having two little kids at home with a tenuous daycare situation, I couldn't take advantage of the virtual yoga sessions, happy hours, and coffee breaks as avenues to invest in these relationships. I needed a way to accelerate the teamwork with each individual or team I worked with. That's why I created the User Guide to Working with Me and it's been immensely helpful. Even when we start to go back to physical workplaces, I'm planning to continue using this.
The process of creating this was a raw and contemplative exercise in self-awareness. I dug deep to be open and honest about my growth areas, triggers, and blind spots as well as my strengths and motivations. I wanted to publish this because I thought it might benefit someone like how Jay’s and Julie's declarations did for me. This is one of the most tactical methods I've used to build trust and communication.
The User Guide to Working with Me, Stuart
Communication
How I Communicate - I tend to over-communicate when it comes to high-level abstract things (the WHY) but under-communicate when it comes to details (the HOW). Interrupt me and let me know if you need something in between. I won’t think it’s rude. I take it as a sign that you’re engaged. I try to be as structured and thoughtful as possible with my communication but I work best when I have space to ping-pong streams of consciousness. Some examples of what this may look like: I’ll leave you notes and share emerging thoughts/ideas. I only expect you to acknowledge that you heard me but I don’t necessarily expect you to take action on it. But I appreciate it when people can volley with me on those ideas and I’m energized when people engage with me and help me clarify or even build on said streams of consciousness.
My Communication Stack - I prefer Slack for most communication. The asynchronous back and forth helps me be more thoughtful with my responses. I also like short video calls or phone calls when we need to work together on something mid-flight.
Things I Do That May Annoy You
Mediocre Grammar and Rampant Typos - I’m usually editing all my messages after I send them because my first go is full of grammatical errors and typos. I’m working on this. Sorry.
Idealism - I can get fixated on how things should be. Just ask me to break it down to something more pragmatic. I’m consistently working on this. But if you vibe with my future vision and goals, our relationship would be next level.
Tentativeness - I often need time to think through things before I can get whole-heartedly behind something but I’m probably your biggest fan and most loyal teammate when I do align with you. Until then, it might feel like I’m being critical, moody, and disapproving. I’m sorry. I’m probably having an internal battle to figure out my POV. I’m working on this. If you sense this from me, please call it out, and at the very least let’s talk through the fact that it’s nothing personal against you.
Responsiveness - I tend to block off time to work or think and I might not respond right away. If you need my attention ASAP, don’t hesitate to text or call. Also, unless something takes less than 5 minutes, I tend to put requests in a cue. Let me know if you need anything right away.
Declining meetings or asking if we should cancel - When I do this, I am selfishly trying to be pragmatic with my time. I probably think that the meeting is not relevant to me or that I have nothing to contribute. I’m not trying to be disrespectful or rude. Let me know If I ever misread the situation and try to get out of a meeting that I really should be a part of.
Demotivators and Trust-Breakers
Excessive selfish/individualistic/opportunistic actions (by a person or an entity) - If I sense this, it will be hard for me to trust you, let alone respect you.
People being fake - In the words of another coworker, “it smells like death”.
Doing things for the sake of doing it - It’s the reality that sometimes you just have to execute but if this happens too frequently, my soul will wither away.
Wasteful bureaucratic BS and politicking - I know it’s part of reality but I need a good night’s sleep and some Red Bull to deal with this stuff.
My Strengths
Discernment and Wonder - I enjoy and I’m good at using my intuition and instincts to evaluate and assess ideas or plans. I’m also good at seeing the possibility of greater potential and opportunity in a given situation. I work hard to not let my ego, pride, and misaligned incentives get in the way of trying to look at something objectively. I think this helps me be a great sounding board and thought partner for you.
Simplifying complex things - In other words, I’m good at and enjoy “user experiencing” abstract ideas. This also means that I love sharing anything and everything I know.
I don’t get embarrassed easily and I don’t mind seeming stupid, naive, or weird - I think this is something I’ve grown into. I found that risking being embarrassed, looking stupid, or seeming naive allows me to learn faster, be creative, think bigger. But I also learned that I can’t do this all the time.
Areas of Growth
Galvanizing people - I’m not the best at it and I don’t get energy from rallying people to do something. I’m continually working on this because it’s still an important skill set for my work. So far, the way I handle this is to deliver thoughtful ideas and processes that can inspire and encourage alignment largely on their own, OR I seek out teammates that are good at this.
Directness in communication - This is probably related to the above. I’m working on externalizing my assumptions, disagreements, and worthwhile feedback. I’m continually learning that this way of communicating is better for teamwork and people don’t hate you for it.
Action bias - This is my tentativeness and my intentionality in overdrive. If this is impeding progress on something important, call it out, and let’s talk about it. Sometimes, all I need is a nudge to make a decision.
Execution and follow-through - I like to think, analyze, and explore ideas and sometimes it’s at the expense of tight execution and speedy follow-through. I’m continually working on this. Call me out on this if I’m becoming a blocker for you.
Motivators and Trust Builders
Aligning on a worthy goal and caring about holistic high-quality outcomes - This might be the easiest way I come to trust people and get energized. It’s also difficult to be this way if you’re not honest about what’s working well and what’s not. So I admire people who are self-aware and can be matter-of-fact about the current state of things in service of something better later. I tend to be sensitive to and suspicious of those selling me rosy narratives. I think they call this the pratfall effect.
When people’s actions align with their words - I’m not hunting for hypocrites as I’m fallible here too but generally speaking, I really admire people who follow through on their commitments and live out what they espouse. And if things change, that the person recalibrates expectations in a timely way. Your words will carry weight with me.
Working with people who have an action bias / Let’s try it mentality - Overplanning and overanalyzing can kill good ideas. I can easily fall into this trap so I naturally admire and respect people who are inclined to take action, within reason.
If we know something, we ought to do something about it, at least try. - If I've provided repeated feedback or we learned something important that can impact a project or person, I expect that we will try to do something about it. If no attempt is made in earnest, it will diminish my trust. Of course, I have a part to play here too. It could be that my assessment was incorrect, I might not have some important context, or that I was unclear in my communication. In those situations, please help me understand.
How I Give and Receive Feedback
I welcome constructive feedback. I prefer these to be in-person 1:1 but I’m okay with being critiqued in public if it makes sense. When I’m receiving feedback, I default to my reticent and pensive demeanor, which means I’m seriously considering what you shared but people often mistake that as me having my feelings hurt. I’m working on making it less uncomfortable for people to give me feedback.